convs. between psychowork and daggers1

27th October. 2005

Saara: salam
Sound of silence: wsalam
Saara: can i hav a second chance?
Sound of silence: well it depends how u define a chance...
in my dictionary chance is a perpetual stretch of a life time and not a fleeting moment
Saara: :S
well...
these past couple of weeks i realised that i had been wrong not to give YOU a chance
not to mention extremely proud in my conduct ...
i don't know ... im not one for an all out commitment...
but - n im sorry i realised this jus recently - our relationship ended very badly
Sound of silence: what would you have done if u wre in my place
Saara: btw - ur definition of 'chance' has both the positive and negative connotation...
takin into account the famed male ego...
i'd reject ...
:S
Sound of silence: i have never had the cure for close- mindedness
i cannot stop from presuming
i cant stop u from presuming
Saara: but hope conquers it all - wont u say ?
do u want justification for y i did what i did?
Sound of silence: reasons are slave to passion......one always comes up with a vindication to secure his/her ends...
Saara: i suppose that means ... watever i say ... what i'v done is done ...
but a word in my own defence...
the reasons i had ... were the same then ... they're not somthing i'v come up with over time to sooth myself
infact ...
it is NOW that the reasons are paling in comparison to my guilt (guilt on my pride)
Sound of silence: i am not yet a dark heart......
Saara: is that a ray of light?
Sound of silence: well Yes ..if the ray intends to redeem the situation
Saara: :D
THANK YOU!
Sound of silence: so hows ur studys going
Saara: :S
does it not bother u... that i cud give up somebody so easily for somebody else?
Studies ... they're too easy ...
Forgive me ... sounds a bit haughty ... but im seriously in the wrong institute
Sound of silence: would u care to expound on ur previous statement please
Saara: well... if our roles were reversed ... (im referring to the other guy - Abbas- he wasnt jus an excuse , he does exist u know)
i'd be very suspicious...
does it not show that i dont take my relationships seriously ?...
Sound of silence: well
so the question for me is are u worth the chance
Saara: wasnt it right from the beginning?
Sound of silence: well it seems more obvious now that you might not take me seriously hence greater the risk
Saara: will u stop stating the obvious!
ur killin me with the suspense
Sound of silence: should i take the gamble?..what are my odds
Saara: another word in my own defense ...
my failure in relationships so far are not entirely my fault
Ummm... well?
Sound of silence: honestly i am a bit wary now after reading what u had to say , but i still have faith that somthing good and special between us

Saara: so i still get that chance ?
Sound of silence: and faith bears no reason
i thought it was obvious that you would never have to ask me that.... and if u are stil ambigous it is a yes
Saara: (}) (again purely conceptual)... im a bit jittery here ... dont want to risk a misunderstanding
Sound of silence: as far as i understand u asked if u had a chance and i said yes.. dont think it cud get any more black and white than this...
Saara: :D
Sound of silence: ({) (impurely conceptual)
Saara: tht's the whole pt ... u didnt say yes ... you covered it up with a lot of prose...
Sound of silence: and if i had to ask u the same question
YES
Yes
Yes
loud and clear?
Saara: ok
thank you ...
Sound of silence: like i said.. if i had to ask u the same
"so i still get that chance ?"
Saara: actually ...
i'd been prayin u wud ... like i said ... our last conversation on this topic required a lot to be desired
Sound of silence: wud wat? ask the question? or clarify my yes?
and you have an unanswered question...
Saara: ask the question
Sound of silence: "so i still get that chance?"
Saara: YES ... the same

y are U so doubtful now ?
Sound of silence: more aptly .. do we have a chance..
Saara: i honeslty dont know
Sound of silence: i want a confirmation as loud as mine
Saara: like i said ... i cant seem to be able to hold on to such relationships...
Sound of silence: and clear too while you are at it
Saara: i dont know if v have a chance
but im willing to give it a try ...
Sound of silence: isnt there any inclination this might be different.?
Saara: again... honestly ... i dont dare to hope ...
Sound of silence: u ll have to promise a very faithful try.
Saara: lol
Sound of silence: leave the hoping to me...
Saara: inshallah
Sound of silence: i smiling and yer laughing?
Saara: since v'r at the topic o f hope...
i might as well tell u ...
these past couple of weeks i'v been so confused ...
i actually did istakharah ... twice at that
then today i realised ... the issue in question is hardly approved in light of islam...
does that not make any effort from either of us FUTILE?
?
Sound of silence: god all wise and all just and i am sure he has betowed somthing fruitfull for us though it may not signify at this very moment
Saara: but does it not seem WRONG to u ?
i mean ... to tell u the truth... i would never have asked for a second chance... but something has been persistenty nagging me n it was getting me into a truly cranky mood...
i dont know if what im doing is the right thing or not ...
Sound of silence: if fate would have been pre determined from start to finish then no beliver would pray..i know my pray would not go unheard as none of my prayers are ilegitimate
Saara: but this is not about fate ... its about choosing wats wrong n right ...
Sound of silence: right and worng is for us to carve from this moment on
let bygons be bygons and lets take a fresh start from the scratch
Saara: in that case ... can i ask of u something ?
Sound of silence: yes
Saara: can v take it slow this time ... n i mean really slow ... i'v messed up too many times ...
n i want u to give urself a chance to find out that im not the angel u think i am
Sound of silence: yes we can..no issues
Saara: really really slow ?
Sound of silence: let c

Saara: :P
anyway ... i think i should go now ... im still shaken ... i might say something stupid ...
Sound of silence: ok takecare ...stay cool but dont freeze;)
Saara: oh ... b4 i go ...
lol
wat date are u comin?
mama's asked me like a million times
Sound of silence: well i am coming on 15 november..i am leaving for spore on 3 November and on 7 ill goto Dubai....
eid will be in Spore:(
Saara: confirmed ?
:)
n haider ?
Sound of silence: Yes
Saara: i missed you
n thank you
(the missing part was a surprise to me - which is why i mention it )
Sound of silence: ill cheerish these words all my life
:)
Saara: i hope we make it
Sound of silence: inshallah
Saara: inshallah
k then
Allah hafiz
Sound of silence: Allah Hafiz ..give my regards to ur family
Saara: Sir YES sir :D
Sound of silence: :)